Got this from an email. Will be nice to start off a new day after reading them ha-ha
Why We Love Children
1. A nursery school pupil told his
teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
'How do you know that the cat was dead?'
she asked her pupil.
'Because I pissed in its ear and it
didn't move,' answered the child innocently.
'You did WHAT?' the teacher exclaimed in
surprise.
'You know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned
over and went 'Pssst' and it didn't move'
2. A small boy is sent to bed by his
father.
Five minutes later.....'Da-ad....'
'What?'
'I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of
water?'
'No, You had your chance. Lights out.'
Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....'
'WHAT?'
'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of
water??'
' I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll
have to smack you!!'
Five minutes
later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....'
'WHAT!'
'When you come in to smack me, can you
bring a drink of water?'
3. An exasperated mother, whose son was
always getting into mischief, finally asked him 'How do you expect to get into Heaven?'
The boy thought it over and said, 'Well,
I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St.
Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!''
4. One summer evening during a violent
thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, 'Mummy, will you sleep with me tonight?'
The mother smiled and gave him a
reassuring hug.
'I can't dear,' she said. 'I have to
sleep in Daddy's room.'
A long silence was broken at last by his
shaky little voice:
'The big sissy.'
5. It was that time, during the Sunday
morning service, for the children's sermon.
All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a
particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the minister leaned over and said, 'That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?'
The little girl replied, directly into
the minister's clip-on microphone, 'Yes, and my Mum says it's a
bitch to iron.'
6. When I was six months pregnant with
my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.
She said, 'Mummy, you are getting fat!'
I replied, 'Yes, honey, remember Mummy
has a baby growing in her tummy.'
'I know,' she replied, but what's
growing in your bum?'
7. A little boy was doing his math
homework.
He said to himself, 'Two plus five, that
son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, that son of a bitch is
nine....'
His mother heard what he was saying and
gasped, 'What are you doing?'
The little boy answered, 'I'm doing my
math homework, Mum.'
'And this is how your teacher taught you
to do it?' the mother asked
'Yes,' he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher
the next day, 'What are you
teaching my son in math?'
The teacher replied, 'Right now, we are
learning addition.'
The mother asked, 'And are you teaching
them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?'
After the teacher stopped laughing, she
answered, 'What I taught them
was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.'
8. One day the first grade teacher was
reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.
She read, '.... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said,
'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!'
The teacher paused then asked the class,
'And what do you think that farmer said?'
One little girl raised her hand and
said, 'I think he said:
'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!''
The teacher was unable to teach for the
next 10 minutes.
9. A certain little girl, when asked her
name, would reply, I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter.'
Her mother told her this was wrong, she
must say, 'I'm Jane Sugarbrown.'
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School,
and said, 'Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?'
She replied, 'I thought I was, but
mother says I'm not.'
10. A little girl asked her mother, 'Can
I go outside and play
with the boys?'
Her mother replied, 'No, you can't play
with the boys, they're
too rough.'
The little girl thought about it for a
few moments and asked,
If I can find a smooth one, can I play
with him?'
Children's jokes
